Friday, July 23, 2010

We'll figure it out.

I have come to realize that I say these four words a lot.  I say it all the time when trying to make plans.  For example, tonight I was on the phone with Tom and we were trying to make some sort of abstract plan for when we are going to see each other between next weekend and Thanksgiving.  I know, it's a long time apart.  I don't want to think about it.  That's not the point of this story.  The point is that we didn't really decide anything and just left it with me saying "we'll figure it out" (with much less anger than it sounds like, I promise).  Granted, it was past midnight and he was falling asleep, but still.  I don't know where this habit has come from.

Yes, it is very true that I am one of the most indecisive people to ever walk the planet.  I have a hard time deciding about where I want to go for dinner, what I want to pack for a vacation (check here if you don't remember), and about a million other things, but I don't exactly feel like my indecisiveness constitutes a major character flaw.  In fact, I am often the planner when it comes to group outings with my friends and I'm often to go-to person when a friend needs advice.  It just seems easier to make decisions for other people than it does to make decisions for myself.  Maybe I'm just bossy.  In fact, sometimes, other people's indecisiveness annoys me.  How selfish am I?  Selfish and bossy...awesome.  Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

I've become very aware of my tendency to utter these four words and I seriously have no idea where it came from.  I'll initiate conversations with friends and be the first to say that we need to get together, but then when we start discussing schedules I always say that "we'll just figure it out".  I guess I just know that we will talk again soon and see each other eventually and that everything will work out, but maybe that's why I never get to see everyone and do everything I want to during Summer breaks.

I realize that not all situations can be solved right on the spot, such as the separation dilemma that Tom and I are trying to figure out, especially in the middle of the night and without having class and work schedules for the upcoming semester, but I can try to make an effort to finalize things as they come instead of putting them off for later.  What an epiphany, huh?

Among my wonderful character traits that I have explained thus far, I am a worrier.  I have been known to worry about things that I have no control over and harp on things that are already said and done and can't be changed.  I am making myself sound very appealing, I know.  This epiphany concerns me though.  Am I too passive?  Do I not know what I want?  Do I just not care?

Oy vey, I'm rambling now, so I'm going to go ahead and stop here.  Maybe I'll have some new insight tomorrow.

Until then,
Sara

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